Organizing Paperwork After Losing a Loved One

No matter who you are or where you live, no matter how much money you make or how you spend your days, at some point in your life, you will experience grief. The definition of grief according to Merriam-Webster dictionary is a “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement”. Well, what does bereavement mean? “The state or fact of being…deprived of something or someone”. So, if we follow those two definitions, we can simplify the definition of grief as the distress caused by being deprived of someone (or something). When that happens, one of the hardest parts of moving forward is organizing the items a loved one left behind.

Experiencing Grief in Everyday Life

Have you felt grief before? When grief is mentioned, it’s normally associated with a loved one or a beloved pet. How did you feel when you lost your childhood pet? How did you feel when you lost a parent or sibling? What about a close friend? It’s horrendous when we’re “deprived” of someone, but it’s altogether too common.

According to the United Nations World Population Prospects report, approximately 7,452 people die every day in the United States. In other words, a person dies in the US approximately every 12 seconds. If you then factor in the personal connections to those 7,452, the ones left behind that will be overcome with grief, that’s a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, and a lot of physical heartache.

What to Do After a Loved One Passes Away

So, what happens when a loved one passes away? How are you supposed to deal with the grief that encompasses your entire being while also taking care of everything that represented their life? You’re expected to sort through their possessions, organize paperwork, close accounts, sell off anything of “value” and discard what’s not worth keeping. You’re supposed to know what to do and when to do it. And somehow you’re supposed to find the strength and mental capacity to take action and cross off all the items on the to-do list.

Making Decisions While Grieving

But it’s hard to make decisions during a grieving process. It’s even harder to make decisions about a loved one who’s passed. They recommend not making any decisions for an entire year. Give yourself time to deal with the grief. But sometimes that’s not realistic. You have to sell the house or you need money from the estate to pay for medical bills. Or they lived with you and seeing their possessions every day is too much for you emotionally and physically draining on your person.

Why Support Helps with Organizing Paperwork

When the day arrives that you decide it’s time to sort through their life, it’s beneficial to have someone there with you. Whether it’s a friend, an acquaintance, or a professional, having someone walk through it with you will benefit you. They can guide you through organizing paperwork or hold your hand through the memories. They can keep you focused on the task and not so much on the emotions. We all know how we’ll sit and read letter after letter and before we know it, 3 hours have gone by, and we haven’t moved past the first box. Ask a friend.

Organizing Paperwork: Step by Step

Today, let’s focus on organizing the paperwork of a loved one. The baby boomer generation kept a lot more need-to-organize paperwork than newer generations. As such, someone who lived for 80 years vs someone who lived for 30 years are going to have a much different quantity and quality of paper. So, depending on the age of your deceased loved one, this may be a daunting and overwhelming task. Just take a breath and know that you’ll be able to complete the task, one paper at a time.

Quick Suggestions

• • Research: to ensure a smooth process, research ahead of time. Connect with key individuals, such as their CPA, attorney, and executor, as well as friends and family. This will clarify what documents are needed and where to look for them. Make yourself a list before you start.
  • Important docs: typically, the first goal is to find all of the financial paperwork: deeds, registrations, titles, financial accounts, pension information, wills, etc. If you agree to serve as an executor, have a conversation with the person now to confirm where they store all important estate documents. If the documents are not organized in one place, offer to work with them to gather everything together.
  • Supplies: bring enough bankers boxes for all the papers you plan to store (and for easy sorting!), blue recycling bags, trash bags, and a shredder (or take shredding to Office Max to pay by the pound). If they haven’t organized their papers in files, I recommend bringing file folders and a sharpie.
  • Start small and stay focused: Tackle a room with less paperwork first, like the dining room or kitchen, instead of the office. Completing an entire, smaller room will build confidence and momentum, encouraging you to keep going.

Sorting

As you move from room to room, sort every piece of paper you touch into one of the following five categories (your categories may be different, and that’s okay. This is mainly to get you started):

1. 1. Recycling

      This portion is organizing paperwork that you do not need or want to keep and will most likely be your biggest pile (and easiest to sort through). It’s the generic papers that do not have personal information on it. It could be a letter from someone you’ve never heard of or a written to-do list from the person you lost. Magazines or newspapers that have piled up. Printed recipes or instructions on how to turn on the computer. Manuals. It could be an offer letter from Xfinity for bundling TV and internet. Basically, documentation that may be adding to your grief because of the space it takes up, but not from the emotion connected to it.

       

   2. Sentimental Materials

      Designate a bankers box that is ‘personal items to sort through later’. Letters that were written by your loved one, diaries, handwritten recipe books of favorite meals, or doodles you want to keep. Essentially, this contains the personal items that you don’t want to take the time to actually go through in this moment (because this takes the longest time and can be emotionally draining). So, you’ll store this box to go through privately at a later time. Later could be that night, the next day, or five years from now; there’s no timeline on later.

      A gentle reminder: during a difficult time like this, it’s common to feel an urgency to clear out belongings. However, it is wise to take your time, as what you feel you can discard now might be something you want to keep a year from now. If you have any hesitation or doubt, err on the side of caution, and place it in the “future sort” box.

   3. Other People
      

      This box will be the items that go to other people. You may not want it, but you can place it in this box and offer it to another person. An example is a birth or graduation announcement. Most of us have never seen our birth announcements and would love it returned to us. You can also bring gallon sized zip loc baggies to separate letters, photos, personal items between each person. Use a sharpie to write the name on the outside. And if in doubt, send a text with a photo immediately to ask the person if they are interested in the item. If they say no, discard.

       

   4. Important Docs

      Keep the last 3-7* years of information for every open account, especially if you’ll file taxes on their behalf. That includes all bank accounts, financial records, pension, Social Security. Keep a copy of the bills for all of the utilities, cell phones, memberships, medical, etc. You will need to cancel the contracts, and the paper copy serves as a reminder of what to cancel but also includes account numbers and phone numbers to call. Once cancelled, file it in the “keep for one year* then throw” folder.

      *Please discuss the length of time to keep each document with your CPA or attorney. I had a client whose parents didn’t file taxes for the last 9 years. So, he needed to keep more than the standard 3-7 years of documents. Luckily, we found this out before we starting sorting through paperwork.  

      If the document contains an account number or contact information you need to keep, start a master list. Keep track of every account, as well as the tasks you need to complete for that account. For example: Chase bank checking account: (1) send death certificate to bank, (2) transfer money to USAA checking account (3) close account. Once you write it on the master list, you can then file the organized paperwork in the proper folder or add the paper to the shred box. If you’d like to have back-ups, I recommend writing one list on your computer with a password encryption, then a second on a pad of paper that you keep with you.

       

   5. Shred Items you Don’t Need
      

      It is crucial to securely dispose of documents containing sensitive personal information, such as Social Security numbers, bank account numbers, passwords, and other confidential data, to prevent identity theft and fraud. Designate one of the bankers boxes as “shred” and place all shred documents inside.

       

   6. Label Boxes Clearly for Future You
      

      Try not to just box up everything and store it away in a closet or storage unit. If you absolutely cannot deal with it now, at the very minimum do some organizing before you box it away. If you know what’s in a box, you’ll be more likely to open that box in the future. So, label the boxes with what’s inside and categorize the contents: photos, financials, personal letters, work, contracts, house, decor, China, etc. This way, you can take action on one box at a time instead of feeling overwhelmed by all the unlabeled boxes.

Organizing Through Grief is A Process

Placing hands on every single document from someone’s life takes time. It’s a daunting task just by itself. Add in the emotional aspect and it becomes a mountain of a task. So be patient with yourself. Acknowledge that it’s going to take a lot of time, and don’t hesitate to ask a friend or professional to help guide you through the mountain of paperwork.  

All the hugs to you during this grieving period,

Stephanie 

If you made it this far, hugs to you!  This video pops up on my feed every once in a while, and I absolutely love it. It’s so captivating and a great visual reminder that life is not linear. Grief is not linear. We’ll feel great, like we’re climbing out of the dark, moving forward, and then we’ll get knocked back a step (or five). Do you ever feel this way?

If you want to know more about organizing mental clutter, listen to Podcast: ‘O’ is for Organizing Physical Clutter to Stop Mental Clutter